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JESUS! How can any one be better than JESUS! Well we must first address what Jesus has done. Now I’m not a Christian, but I will take in account his “MIRACLES” …

Jesus’s Miracles:

Bringing a man back from the dead…
Water into Wine…
40 days 40 nights thing…
Being born of a virgin birth…
rising from the dead…

Now you might be asking what miracles have you done? if any…

Well I’ve done a shit load of miracles… Really…

This one time I did a 10 beer, beer bong… MIRACLE
Once I ate a 5 pound burrito… MIRACLE
Beat Contra with out the cheat codes… MIRACLE
Saved a man from a burning buidling… NAKED… MIRACLE

I could go on but honestly do I need to say anything more?

Now, let me address his miracles and how I’ve done those things and then some..

Bringing a man back from the dead… Well if I was dead and some crazy guy with a beard and some Birkenstock’s on brought me back from the dead I’d be kinda pissed. Fuck that I’m sleeping in FOREVER!
I personally like to bring living people back to the dead…

Water into Wine… One time at a party I turned water into margaritas and we all got fucked up… One hell of a party… Screw wine, I’m making tequila.

40 days 40 nights thing… One time I ate for 40 days and 40 nights, I still look fan-frigin-tastic

Being born of a virgin birth… If you ask me being born in the back of a VW bug is way more cool than your parents NOT doing it.

Rising from the dead… Well lets point the obvious. Rising from the dead implies that you have died… I haven’t died I win… Next time don’t die…

In the end it is plain to see, I am better than even Jesus. Regardless of your religious beliefs, you can not deny I am on TOP!