Computer Tourettes
- Filed under: Computer Pranks
- Date: Nov 29,2007
What do you think of when you think of Tourettes? Random swear words right? This next prank does exactly that. While you are typing in a word document or outlook a random swear word will appear. The words will appear in random increments and the words them selves are random. The words and the time gap is determined by you.
Step 1: Open Microsoft Word
Step 2: Press Alt F-11 (This will open the VBA Editor
Step 3: Select your Normal Template by double clicking “This Document”
Step 4: Copy the code below into your normal template. Remember to re-type any “s, they dont always transfer over correctly in the copy/paste process.
Sub typeRand()
Dim counter As String
counter = CStr(Int((30 – 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))Application.OnTime When:=Now + TimeValue(“00:00:” + counter), _
Name:=”TimedClose”End Sub
Sub TimedClose()
Dim maindocument As Document
Set maindocument = activedocument
counter = CStr(Int((5 – 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))Select Case counter
Case 1
Selection.TypeText Text:=” FUCK ”
Case 2
Selection.TypeText Text:=” ASSHOLE ”
Case 3
Selection.TypeText Text:=” SHIT ”
Case 4
Selection.TypeText Text:=” BITCH ”
Case 5
Selection.TypeText Text:=” DICK ”
End SelectCall typeRand
End Sub
Step 5: Close Microsoft Word
Step 6: Enjoy
If you have done this correctly the code will load when the person loads Word. Currently there are 5 swear words. They randomly appear any where between 30 and 1 second. This code will load the second they start using word. So if the person doesn’t even type it will start going. It will affect both word and outlook. Below are some tips on how to modify the code.
Edit Swear Words
You can add any number of words you want. To increase the number of swear words only takes a couple tweaks
If you want to have a total of 20 swear words change the 5 in bold to 20.
Before:
counter = CStr(Int((5 – 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))
After
counter = CStr(Int((20 - 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))
The next step is to add the swear words. Currently there are 5 swear words. To add a new swear word, repeat the following till you reached the desired amount. After the last statement Case 5, Add Case 6
Case 5
Selection.TypeText Text:=” DICK ”Case 6
Selection.TypeText Text:=” COCK EATER “
Case 7
Selection.TypeText Text:=” Shit Lover “
When you have added all the swear words you want make sure to finish with, End Select.
Edit Time Range
To change the random number range do as follows:
The maximum number comes first and is in bold
counter = CStr(Int((30 - 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))
To change the maxium simply change the number 30 to something less than or equal to 59
To change the minimum number change the numbers in bold
counter = CStr(Int((20 – 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))
I recommend keep this at 1 second but changing it wont hurt
How to Reverse the code
Press Alt-F11 and re-open your normal document. Erase the code and restart word.
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78 Responses for "Computer Tourettes"
Hahahaha, niiice.
To be pedantic it’s more like giving Word coprolalia than giving a computer tourettes, but I see your point.
Best peice of code I have ever read!! GOOD job mate!
i can get it to run, but i have to hit alt/f 11 then hit the run button, it doesnt run automatically. anyway to get it work when you just open up word?
does not work
do you have to save it before closing it?
This doesn’t seem to be working with Word 2007.
Unless I’m doing something wrong…
Gave it a try, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Am I missing something from my coding, or is there a setting in Word that needs to be applied?
Sub typeRand()
Dim counter As String
counter = CStr(Int((20 – 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))
Application.OnTime When:=Now + TimeValue(“00:00:” + counter), _
Name:=”TimedClose”
End Sub
Sub TimedClose()
Dim maindocument As Document
Set maindocument = ActiveDocument
counter = CStr(Int((5 – 1 + 1) * Rnd + 1))
Select Case counter
Case 1
Selection.TypeText Text:=” TEST ”
Case 2
Selection.TypeText Text:=” TEXT ”
Case 3
Selection.TypeText Text:=” TEST1 ”
Case 4
Selection.TypeText Text:=” TEST2 ”
Case 5
Selection.TypeText Text:=” TEST3 ”
End Select
Call typeRand
End Sub
you are a genius – forget tourettes – you are worthy of idiot savant status a la aspergers. TY you have made my day !
5-1+1? Why isn’t it just 5?
Lawl…can’t wait to give this a shot at home…
Trying it on Word 2003. Doesn’t work.
LOL makes me wanna use Word for once.
It works in 2007 and 2003. I have tested it on both. Remember to re-type all the “s. The vba editor doesn’t seem to copy them over correctly.
That is usually the error.
If it is still not working for you, Your security settings for word might not allow macros. You can simply knock it down to none and it should work fine.
Cartman would love this….
In your post replace every ” with " (that’s & quot; without the space)
This will stop them going curly, and people will be able to copy and paste correctly.
Is this done by editing the normal.dot file?
And if so, you could do it with a //diffcompname/c$ to do it remotely, right?
This’d be hilarious at work, but I obviously can’t sit at my buddy’s computer when they’re there all day, yanno?
Hey, I’m having an issue with the script not loading the next time it’s loaded. It works perfectly the first time, but once I close it, the script is lost. Any ideas what I’m doing wrong?
Whats with the case: thing.
Why not just use an array of words with randomized indexes, that would make for some tighter code.
In reply to Jeff:
The “s as you call them are on this webpage no “s like they are in coding. These are decoded into a html entity to ensure readability, while the ” you would need for coding is a totally different ASCII code. It’s no copy-paste issue, it’s just native web.
Haha. I’m going to try that at the office tomorrow
This is the most usefull Word macro I have ever seen. Bravo!
It may not always work because this relies on macros being enabled, macros are little bits of scripts that can be executed to help efficiency in doing tasks. Many anti-virus programs prevent macros from being run, also SP2 on XP and Vista inherently prevent macros that run repetitively over a small time span from being run. So don’t set the time limit to something too short like 1 second. You can take this up a notch by even including pictures – using an img tag with the url pointing to say a vulgar image, which will cause it to embed the img tags into word – and since word auto-converts html to rtf – it will paste the picture in showing the vulgar picture embedded in the document. Set the timer to say 60 minutes, and imagine someone writing a long document and getting ready to print when all of a sudden – tubgirl!
I’ve lowered the security settings and double checked the quotes, but I still cannot get it to run on Word 2003. Any suggestions?
Add the AutoExec sub at the beginning …
Sub AutoExec()
Call typeRand
End Sub
Sub typeRand() …
Then put the rest of the code below. Wanted this to be a primary comment instead of underneath another. Happy coding
!
get your head checked. seriously. how warped is this?
Brilliant idea, but you could add a lot of extensibility by changing your words to an array from just literal strings. Then you could add as many as you want and just select a random index, even add more Tourettes-iness by mashing a few up together.
Wow. Very nice. I’m glad there’s still humor in the world. xD;
Trying it on a mac copy of 2004 with no luck, my troubleshooting has so far been in vain… anyone else have luck?
It works but i have to start it manualy in the VBA by pressing F5
how do i make it start with the document
For those of you having issues, its probably becaues the macro is loading but not running. To have the macro execute the second word loads add
Sub AutoExec()
Call typeRand
End Sub
to the code. This will call the method typeRand and kick start your macro when word opens
iv tried it a few times but it doesnt seem to work. im sure all the “s”s are there. iv tied just closing the program and then running the macros. When i try and run the macros it says theres a syntax error with the line
Sub TimedClose()
Any iedas?
I am using Microsoft Word 2004 Mac and visual basic 11.2 if that has any reason for the failure
you can just as easily use the AutoCorrect function under Tools and replace common words like “the”, “and”, “a”, etc. with any naughty word you like
Thanks for the nice tricks.
I got the code to work but only when I pressed the run button while in Visual Basic. It would just reset to normal when I closed out of word
Hey, I know what’s wrong. Everybody is selecting the “Project (Document 1)” in the list on the left of the VB editor. Select Normal, “ThisDocument”, like in the picture and add the
Sub AutoExec()
Call typeRand
End Sub
to the beginning (Thanks Dave!)
It works for me.
thanks. i have borderline tourette’s, and this isn’t tourette’s. please do yourself a favor and read the wikipedia article 0n tourette’s before making a douche out of yourself.
The english part is still very young, but on my page (www.abusive.de) you’ll find a growing database and generator for swearwords. You can add them to this script, though
a little more beta testing would have prevented alot of these comments.
G-Dog,
I had the same problem as you but I solved it by replacing all of the “s that are there. It may look like you have all of your “s correct, but actually you still need to replace them by typing them in on your own keyboard.
Hope this helps
Is there a way to tweak this for Open Office Writer?
[...] Computer Tourettes Prank (tags: computer tourettes) [...]
It only works for me when I run the macro myself…. even though I did add the auto execute at the beginning… help?
I’ve created a version of this script which includes all the right bits, random font, random font size and random text rotation! All can be enabled or disabled by just changing a few parameters from false to true or vice versa. I’ve also changed the words/phrases system to an array to make adding new ones much more simple.
Here we go, and I hope this pastes properly!
'---------------------------- START OF TOURETTES --------------------------
'
' Microsoft Word Tourettes v2.0
' Originally Discovered On
' *** http://www.iambetterthanu.com ***
'
'
' To add colour, font size and rotation random goodness, change the lines
'
' FontChange = False
' to
' FontChange = True
'
' ColourChange = False
' to
' ColourChange = True
'
' depending on what you want to happen. Enjoy!!!
'
' DelaySecs The max pause time between 'incidents'
' MaxFontSize The largest pointsize to use for fonts
'
'--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dim TourettesList() As Variant
Dim GotTourettesList As Boolean
Dim FontList() As Variant
Dim FontChange As Boolean
Dim ColourChange As Boolean
Dim TourCount As Integer
Dim FontCount As Integer
Dim DelaySecs As Integer
Dim MaxFontSize As Integer
Dim NewColour As String
Dim fonty As String
Sub AutoExec()
Randomize
' Change these to enable random fonts, colours and rotation
FontChange = True
ColourChange = True
DelaySecs = 30
MaxFontSize = 120
GetFontList
FontCount = UBound(FontList)
GetTourettesList
TourCount = UBound(TourettesList)
Call typeRand
End Sub
Sub typeRand()
Dim counter As String
counter = CStr(Int((DelaySecs) * Rnd + 1))
Application.OnTime When:=Now + TimeValue("00:00:" + counter), _
Name:="TimedClose"
End Sub
Public Sub TimedClose()
Dim maindocument As Document
Set maindocument = ActiveDocument
counter = CStr(Int((TourCount) * Rnd + 1))
fonty = CStr(Int((FontCount) * Rnd + 1))
curse = TourettesList(counter)
With Selection
If FontChange = True Then
.Font.Size = CStr(Int((MaxFontSize - 10) * Rnd + 10))
.Font.Name = FontList(fonty)
End If
If ColourChange = True Then
.Font.Color = RGB((Int(255) * Rnd), (Int(255) * Rnd), (Int(255) * Rnd))
End If
.TypeText " " + curse + " "
End With
Call typeRand
End Sub
Sub ShowInstalledFonts()
If FontsChecked = False Then
Set FontList = Application.CommandBars("Formatting").FindControl(ID:=1728)
' If Font control is missing, create a temp CommandBar
If FontList Is Nothing Then
Set TempBar = Application.CommandBars.Add
Set FontList = TempBar.Controls.Add(ID:=1728)
End If
' Put the fonts into column A
Range("A:A").ClearContents
For i = 0 To FontList.ListCount - 1
Cells(i + 1, 1) = FontList.List(i + 1)
Next i
' Delete temp CommandBar if it exists
On Error Resume Next
TempBar.Delete
FontsChecked = True
End If
End Sub
Sub GetTourettesList()
' If you wish to add more to this, do it above the last entry
' and make sure your line has quote marks on either side, with a comma
' then a line break.
TourettesList = Array("SHIT", "PISS", "CUNT", "COCKSUCKER", _
"COCK", "PUSSY", "BASTARD", "FUCK", _
"DOBBER", "MONG", "ASSHOLE", "BITCH", _
"MOTHERFUCKER", "ASSHAT", "DILDO", "SHITHEAD", _
"BELLEND", "KNOB", "DICKHEAD", "FUCKNUCKLE", _
"VAGINA", "CUNTLIP", "RINGPIECE", "NUTSACK", _
"SCROTE FACE", "BALLBAG")
End Sub
Sub GetFontList()
' No need to edit anything below, as most default fonts are shown.
FontList = Array("Agency FB", "Agency FB Bold", "Algerian", "Arial", "Arial Black", "Arial Black Italic", "Arial Bold", "Arial Italic", "Arial Narrow", "Arial Narrow Bold", "Arial Narrow Italic", _
"Arial Rounded MT Bold", "Arial Unicode MS", "Baskerville Old Face", "Batang", "Bauhaus 93", "Bell MT", "Bell MT Bold", "Bell MT Italic", "Berlin Sans FB", "Berlin Sans FB Bold", "Berlin Sans FB Demi Bold", "Bernard MT Condensed", "Blackadder ITC", "Bodoni MT", "Bodoni MT Black", _
"Bodoni MT Black Italic", "Bodoni MT Bold", "Bodoni MT Bold Italic", "Bodoni MT Condensed", "Bodoni MT Condensed Bold", "Bodoni MT Condensed Bold Italic", "Bodoni MT Condensed Italic", "Bodoni MT Italic", "Bodoni MT Poster Compressed", "Book Antiqua", _
"Book Antiqua Bold", "Book Antiqua Bold Italic", "Book Antiqua Italic", "Bookman Old Style", "Bookman Old Style Bold", "Bookman Old Style Bold Italic", "Bookman Old Style Italic", "Bradley Hand ITC", "Britannic Bold", "Broadway", "Brush Script MT Italic", _
"Californian FB", "Californian FB Bold", "Californian FB Italic", "Calisto MT", "Calisto MT Bold", "Calisto MT Bold Italic", "Calisto MT Italic", "Castellar", "Centaur", "Century", "Century Gothic", "Century Gothic Bold", "Century Gothic Bold Italic", _
"Century Gothic Italic", "Century Schoolbook", "Century Schoolbook Bold", "Century Schoolbook Bold Italic", "Century Schoolbook Italic", "Chiller", "Colonna MT", "Comic Sans MS", "Comic Sans MS Bold", "Cooper Black", "Copperplate Gothic Bold", "Copperplate Gothic Light", _
"Courier New", "Courier New Bold", "Courier New Bold Italic", "Courier New Italic", "Curlz MT", "Edwardian Script ITC", "Elephant", "Elephant Italic", "Engravers MT", "Eras Bold ITC", "Eras Demi ITC", "Eras Light ITC", "Eras Medium ITC", "Estrangelo Edessa", _
"Felix Titling", "Footlight MT Light", "Forte", "Franklin Gothic Book", "Franklin Gothic Book Italic", "Franklin Gothic Demi", "Franklin Gothic Demi Cond", "Franklin Gothic Demi Italic", "Franklin Gothic Heavy", "Franklin Gothic Heavy Italic", _
"Franklin Gothic Medium", "Franklin Gothic Medium Cond", "Franklin Gothic Medium Italic", "Freestyle Script", "French Script MT", "Garamond", "Garamond Bold", "Garamond Italic", "Gigi", "Gill Sans MT", "Gill Sans MT Bold", "Gill Sans MT Condensed", _
"Gill Sans MT Ext Condensed Bold", "Gill Sans MT Italic", "Gill Sans Ultra Bold", "Gill Sans Ultra Bold Condensed", "Gloucester MT Extra Condensed", "Goudy Old Style", "Goudy Old Style Bold", "Goudy Old Style Italic", "Goudy Stout", "Haettenschweiler", _
"Harlow Solid Italic", "Harrington", "High Tower Text", "High Tower Text Italic", "Impact", "Imprint MT Shadow", "Informal Roman", "Jokerman", "Juice ITC", "Kristen ITC", "Kunstler Script", "Latha", "Lucida Bright", "Lucida Bright Demibold", "Lucida Bright Demibold Italic", _
"Lucida Bright Italic", "Lucida Calligraphy Italic", "Lucida Fax Demibold", "Lucida Fax Italic", "Lucida Fax Regular", "Lucida Handwriting Italic", "Lucida Sans Demibold Roman", "Lucida Sans Italic", "Lucida Sans Regular", "Lucida Sans Typewriter Bold", "Lucida Sans Typewriter Bold Oblique", "Lucida Sans Typewriter Oblique", _
"Lucida Sans Typewriter Regular", "Magneto Bold", "Maiandra GD", "Mangal", "MapSymbols", "Matura MT Script Capitals", "Mistral", "Modern No. 20", "Monotype Corsiva", "MS Mincho", "MS Outlook", "MT Extra", "Niagara Engraved", "Niagara Solid", "OCR A Extended", _
"Old English Text MT", "Onyx", "Palace Script MT", "Papyrus", "Parchment", "Perpetua", "Perpetua Bold", "Perpetua Bold Italic", "Perpetua Italic", "Perpetua Titling MT Bold", "Perpetua Titling MT Light", "Playbill", "PMingLiU", "Poor Richard", "Pristina", _
"Rage Italic", "Ravie", "Rockwell", "Rockwell Bold", "Rockwell Bold Italic", "Rockwell Condensed", "Rockwell Condensed Bold", "Rockwell Extra Bold", "Rockwell Italic", "Script MT Bold", "Showcard Gothic", "SimSun", "Snap ITC", "Stencil", "Sylfaen", "Symbol", "Tahoma", _
"Tahoma Bold", "Tempus Sans ITC", "Times New Roman", "Times New Roman Bold", "Times New Roman Bold Italic", "Times New Roman Italic", "Trebuchet MS", "Trebuchet MS Bold", "Trebuchet MS Bold Italic", "Trebuchet MS Italic", "Tw Cen MT", "Tw Cen MT Bold", _
"Tw Cen MT Bold Italic", "Tw Cen MT Condensed", "Tw Cen MT Condensed Bold", "Tw Cen MT Condensed Extra Bold", "Tw Cen MT Italic", "Verdana", "Verdana Bold", "Verdana Bold Italic", "Verdana Italic", "Viner Hand ITC", "VisualUI", "Vivaldi Italic", "Vladimir Script", "Wide Latin")
End Sub
'----------------------------- END OF TOURETTES ---------------------------
What would be much better is to make it very subtle so once every couple days or so, your office’s secretary would start to notice maybe just a word or 2, just enough to make her giggle but not say anything.
Sorry, i use Open Office
You know you are a pathetic anti-MS jackass, like shockwheat is, when you try to act like the MS Office programs are not FAR AND AWAY the best productivty software available. Seriously, shockwheat…it doesn’t make Microsoft look bad for you to say dumb shit like you did. It makes you look bad. NO ONE agrees with you on this. (Or pretty much anything you have ever done in your entire sorry ass life.)
I dont get wat every1 means by re-typing the s??? wats going on???
I have tourettes syndrome, and it has caused me some hard times even though I don’t have the yelling/swearing part of it. So, as part of the tourrettes community….
I think this is freakin’ BRILLIANT!
I’m going to my bosses computer and doing it now!
re-typing the “s = retype the Parentheses! (note the pseudo attempt at pluralizing the ” )
jkfan, I also use Open Office.
But don’t pay me any attention, or any of the multitudes of people who use Open Office, just keep paying for your office, or stealing it like a n00b!
This is really funny! I was just typing CRAP! a letter at my desk F@CK! when I ran across A$$! this article. Pure brilliance… C@CK!\
lol
HELP!!! I want 2 do this at my high school but every time I click F11 it doesn’t even open the VBA. Is there any other way 2 get to VBA other that F11??? If so email me at XAngelsRCallinX@aim.com
errr its not working
You forgot the swear “Bob Saget” a la tourettes guy.
Loved it, very funny and works well
So I did this prank on my friends computer. It worked great and made him freak out. He finally figured out it was me and I tried to undo it on his computer.
I deleted all of the code in the ThisDocument for Normal, but now everytime Word opens on his computer it gives a “Complie error: Expected End Sub”
Any ideas?
hmmm works but it wont auto run it loads it with every start of word but doesn’t run by itself
Haha.
Lol! I’ll add “LOL”.
As for the use of OpenOffice:
Some of us use Linux…
When I boot into Windows one of these days i’ll mess with this. Very nice. I usually just go for the easy way and screw up AutoCorrect…
Nice though, especially that extended script above.
Sam doesn’t have borderline tourette’s, he just uses that as an excuse to be an ass and to excuse his bad social graces…
Really nice stuff i really like it thanx for sharing it
jasmine
tech-chek.blogspot.com
In word 2007 you actually need to save (CTRL+S) and press play to make it work (I think)?!
Nice joke!
You’re better than nothing. Not even better than than a very big piece of shit on the beach.
Get a life cocksucker.
Sandman? why a piece of shit on the beach? Does sand make that turd worse?
I usually don’t approve comments like this because they don’t add to the conversation. But this one has inspired me to make a hate mail category.
[...] Hate Mail #1 If you’re new here, you MUST subscribe to my RSS feed. RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! sandman December 26th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [...]
[...] sign ups get punch and pieRSS feed. Thanks for visiting! I have been writing computer pranks and office pranks for over a year now. In honor of April Fools day I have compiled the list of the best computer [...]
[...] Mike Foley: Absolutely loved the computer tourettes prank. My roommate is just losing it right now because I set the timer down to 1-5 seconds Mike [...]
[...] Computer Tourettes – Load a script that will randomly write swear words in a word document or outlook function. The [...]
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Is there any way to do this in Pages (Macs sucky version of Word)?
Office Computer Prank that gives your word documents Tourettes| Computer Pranks Central http://tinyurl.com/25jlrr
I have MS 2007 and i cant even seem to get it started for anything. Can someone plz explain to me step by step how to input the code etc?…
I have MS 2007 and i cant even seem to get it started for anything. Can someone plz explain to me step by step how to input the code and etc….i really wanna try it out.
What would be really nice would be if there were something like a greasemonkey script so that you could add this into everything they type online. Forums, emails, etc. I imagine a “haunted” script, with text like ‘help me’ and ‘I’m so cold’ instead of shitfuck….
Bwa Haaa Haaa!!!!
I put it on the display model computers at STAPLES!!
Hey realy nice thing, it worked perfectly on my pc. Do you know if there is a way to make this scrip to be instaled automaticaly on a computer, for example having it on a memory stick and just plug it to a computer and that this program instals automaticaly? would be great don’t you think?
[...] de sobras, aunque el nivel de dificultad sube un poco, eso sí, pero valdrá la pena. Gracias a éste código podéis conseguir que cuándo el afectado o afectada se ponga a escribir un documento Word, [...]
STILL does not work at work. Word 2003 I keep getting a Compile Error: Sytax Error. It also places a yellow arrow on the Sub typeRand() and makes it yellow. Want….this….to….work….please…..help…..
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